Coaching can help you find your path, determine a course of action, and hold you accountable

By Caroline Godin

It’s no surprise that in first-responder life, the idea of a life coach can seem cringe. After all, you’re the protector, the helper, and you should have it all together, right?

Says who?

Let’s debunk some thoughts on life coaching, and talk about how using coaching as a tool can not only boost your self-confidence, but enhance your ability to succeed in many areas of life.

What Coaching is Not

When the uninformed hear the words “life coach,” they may conjure an image of a couch and a person with a notebook. Typically, that’s a therapist. 

Others might imagine a life coach to be more like a trainer, telling a person what to do and how to get there, based on their own experience. That would be a mentor. 

Lastly, some merely picture an enthusiastic person cheering you on from the sidelines, repeatedly saying, “You can do it” and, “Keep going” and such. That’s, well, a nice cheering squad, if not annoying.

None of that is what life coaching is.

What Coaching Is

Life coaching is 80 per cent listening and 20 per cent asking powerful questions. Coaches believe the coaching partner (that’s you!) is whole, healthy, and resourceful. You are capable of making the right decisions, having the right tools for the job, and finding your own path to success.

So if coaches believe all that, do they believe they’re out of a job?

The coaches are there to champion your success – not quite like the cheering squad, though. Coaching is like a navigation system, a GPS, which you would use as a tool. The actions still come from you, but like a GPS helps you navigate the road, a coach helps you navigate your thoughts, values, and decisions.

Coaching as a tool is there to help you find your path, determine a course of action, and hold you accountable for the path to which you committed.

How Coaching Works as a Tool

If you use coaching as a tool, you have to start with a little calibration. Think of it as your GPS settings. Some like to avoid toll roads or highways. Maybe you like the scenic route, or you want to get somewhere more directly.

Your coach will help you define your values, priorities, and goals. Are you focused on career building, but you value family? Maybe you’re hoping to heal a relationship, but you prioritize a personal goal over time with that person. These assessments help build a clear picture of where you are now, which helps in determining a path to where you want to go.

Once you have point A and point B figured out, the GPS is calibrated, and the journey begins. Your coach now knows where you stand and where you want to go, how you’re likely to get there, and what questions to ask as you navigate this path.

Some paths are straight and some take detours. Your phone’s GPS won’t stop you from taking a detour, but it will alert you if you’ve strayed from the path. Your coach does the same. Accountability is vital. This is a lot to take in, so here’s an example of what some of this might look like.

Sample Coaching Dialog

Coach: What would you like to talk about today?

Coaching Partner (CP): I want to find more meaning in my life.

Coach: How so?

CP: I’m doing OK at work, but I feel like I need to do something more with myself, something valuable.

Coach: You said you value community and helping others. Is there something you want to do with that?

CP: Actually, yes. I’d love to get involved in the food pantry or in organizing donations to those in need.

Coach: How can you see yourself helping your community in this way?

CP: Well, I donate to the pantry, but I wonder if I could help in person.

Coach: Have you asked before?

CP: No, but I have time off in a couple of days, and they’ll be open then.

Coach: What are you going to do?

CP: I’ll call. Actually, I’ll just go there with a donation Tuesday and ask them how I can help more.

Coach: You’ll have to let me know how that goes next week.

Why Coaching is Perfect for First Responders

Coaching works for everyone. Unlike therapy, there are no long wait lists. Unlike mentorship, you don’t need to find someone in your exact situation or with experience in the exact direction you’re going.

Coaching is often on a flexible schedule and many times available virtually, which fits well for first responders. Coaching also allows the coaching partner (that’s you, remember?) to direct the conversation and determine the goals and the path to get there. 

When life’s confusing or unraveling, feeling a sense of control is helpful. Coaching is also completely confidential, so there’s no need to worry about that. However, once you find out how rewarding the journey is, you might feel compelled to share your secret, but that’s up to you.

Here’s just one example, taken from a compilation of real stories, of how coaching a first responder might look.

Sample Coaching Dialog

Coach: How was working with the new partner?

CP: Exhausting. I swear they didn’t train him at all.

Coach: Sounds frustrating.

CP: He didn’t know any protocols, forgot half his gear, and kept asking when we were getting a break.

Coach: What was your first shift like?

CP: Oh, I guess I knew most protocols, but my partner was a jerk to me. I wasn’t as forgetful with my gear, though. In fact, I got teased for having too many things I didn’t need. I definitely didn’t ask for a break on my first day.

Coach: Sounds like you were less nervous and more enthusiastic, but you had a rough first partner.

CP: Yeah, he was on his way out and didn’t want to bother with me.

Coach: How do you wish he treated you?

CP: I get it.

Coach: Well?

CP: I wish he took the time to get me acclimated and was a little nicer. I didn’t need my hand held, but I didn’t need to feel useless, either.

Coach: So what are you going to do?

CP: I’m going to show this guy the ropes, make sure he’s serious about learning protocol and remembering his gear, and I’ll try to be more patient. But I’ll do it my way. No hand holding.

Coach: You’re not a hand holder, but I think you can be the partner you wanted when you were new.

What Department Leadership Should Know

The demand for mental-health support in departments is increasing, and it’s often coming from administration. Filling that need can be difficult, but think of it this way: A department that has a gym on-site might be more apt to have responders showing up to work out and stay in shape. So, shouldn’t a department that offers coaching services – again, confidentially – be more likely to have responders who are more resilient, mentally fit, and functioning?

The department affects the individual, and the individual affects the department. That two-way street operates best when both sides are working together. Departments that offer services like coaching send a message to their responders that they care about their well-being, and they support them. This is one step in the right direction when building a resilient department. A resilient department functions better, has fewer call-outs, and better retention.

Whether a department is offering peer-to-peer support, coaching, or other mental-health solutions, prioritizing mental health is essential for retention in any department. Healthcare (physical) is already a known necessity, so why shouldn’t mental health be, as well?

Your Tomorrow

You have tools for everything. When you need to work out, you have gym equipment to help you stay fit. When you need to navigate the road, you have GPS to keep you on track. And when you need to navigate life, there’s coaching. 

Coaching as a tool for mental health starts now, before a crisis or before things go sideways. It’s about resilience, constantly working out to be strong and sustainable in first-responder life.

Your tomorrow starts today. If your department or EAP doesn’t offer coaching, reach out and see how FRC can collaborate to get you the tools you need to succeed.

Caroline Godin is the First Responder Coaching publicist and a certified life coach. She can be reached at [email protected].