RELATIONSHIPSPartnerIN-LAWS: DO THEY FIRE UP OR DAMPEN YOUR MARRIAGE?

IN-LAWS: DO THEY FIRE UP OR DAMPEN YOUR MARRIAGE?

Relationships, Marriage, In-Laws, Stress - CRACKYL MAGAZINE

Everyone must know when to set limits but still make it clear that they desire a close and loving relationship.

Firefighting is stressful work but developing and maintaining a good rapport with your in-laws may prove to be just as stressful, only on a different level. Some research suggests that there may be a reason why being at odds with your in-laws can be a source of stress in a firefighter’s personal life.

After following 373 couples for 25 years, researchers concluded that the relationship between a married person and their in-laws can impact their marriage, for better or for worse. The difference lies in gender. A woman having a close relationship with in-laws leads to a 20 per cent higher likelihood of divorce. However, men having similarly good relationships with in-laws does the opposite, leading to a 20 per cent lower chance of divorce. This may not be what most expect upon first considering the issue because the reasons are somewhat veiled.

The difference comes from the way men and women perceive themselves. Generally, women tend to be more concerned about their relationships. A husband caring about his in-laws shows his wife that he values her relationships with them while also expressing his desire to be close to her. Men are also more concerned with caring for their family, and therefore, are less likely to take anything done by their in-laws personally.

Whenever a woman is close to her in-laws, it’s more likely that she will be offended by something they said or did. Women can sometimes perceive their in-laws as meddling once they’ve become close. Because their identity is strongly linked to being a wife and a mother, they are more likely than their husbands to take things to heart.  

But don’t go cancelling the holidays just yet; the suggested solution is to set boundaries. Be cautious about sharing personal issues, such as parenting or marital problems. Everyone must know when to set limits but still make it clear that they desire a close and loving relationship.  Parents need to mindful of behaviour that might be perceived as meddling and should be open to building meaningful relationships with their child’s partner. It is also imperative to treat in-laws as important people.  

The study does have some shortcomings. The first and most prominent is that the couples studied were married in 1986, and relationship models have altered since. Also, it is unclear whether women working outside the home at the time had an impact on the results of the study. And, another important issue to recognize is that closeness is subjective as we all view it differently on a personal and cultural level. Even within the marriage, the couple could perceive closeness differently. The main goal of this study is to shed light on the gender differences related to their connection with their in-laws.  

Relationships are filled with complications and different dynamics — a factor that may often be overlooked. Married couples could benefit from reassessing their relationship and their boundaries with their in-laws and see if there are some underlying issues that need to be resolved. 

Photo By iStock Images

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