REFLECTIONS AND IRRITATIONS

By Sarah Divine     

If you are willing to look at yourself, acknowledge where a change needs to happen and make the change, your perception of life will dramatically increase for the better.

I sat there reading my response to the text that I was just about to send. Then, it hit me. I was replying the exact same way that was causing the irritation I had with my partner.

When this dawned on me, I found it amusing. Was it really true that I was doing the exact same thing for which I was scolding my partner? There’s no way that I could be as irritating and frustrating as him, right? Well, the funny thing is that the world around us is an exact reflection of who we are and what we are projecting.

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”

—Ernest Holmes

Effective Communication 

If you are irritated with your partner, try these three action items: 

Look at yourself 

Where are you displaying these same words or actions? Really evaluate your words or actions — this is critical. The reason that an action may be bothering you could be because it is something inside yourself that you would like to change. This is something people do NOT want to hear or acknowledge. However, if you are willing to look at yourself, acknowledge where a change needs to happen and make the change, your perception of life will dramatically increase for the better.  

Communicate with your partner

Communicate what is bothering you. Do it openly with your partner. If they don’t know and you don’t tell them, nothing can change. Yelling, frustration, nagging, lack of connection and ignoring your partner will only lead to a greater divide. 

Mirroring technique 

Mirroring is simply the process of paraphrasing and restating both the feelings and words of whomever you’re communicating with. This practice helps to give focus to a situation, but you must make certain to reflect the feelings and emotions your partner has expressed for it to be effective. Doing this will allow you to more fully understand the message and each other.

You can use the following statement when practicing mirroring and reflection with your partner, “What I heard you say is…” and your partner will either say yes or no. If it is no, ask them to explain to you what they are trying to express again and repeat the process until you both understand each other. 

Reflect the good you want to see in your relationship

When I realized I had been unintentionally mirroring the frustrating communication of my partner, it became a lot easier to approach it from a different angle. It would have been easy to continue with that unproductive, toxic back-and-forth, but I know I’m better than that — and to show him our relationship could be, too, I had to communicate that to him.

So, I texted him what was upsetting me, without using any petty, hurtful language. In a few minutes, he responded with language that was much softer and not argumentative. He even took a bit of responsibility for his role in the little squabble we’d had. I thanked him for this and for being a great partner, and he texted the same.

After a few more pleasant texts, I was satisfied and clicked the power button on my smartphone. With my own happy face suddenly beaming back at me in the reflection on the blank screen, I could literally see the positive effect this exchange had on me. I’m no mirroring expert yet, but I know I’m going to practice this technique whenever I remember how it made me feel.

Sarah Divine’s true passion is in the field of the human body, sexuality and relationships. Sarah has over 5000 hours in hands-on body work experience. She’s certified in deep tissue massage, has her master reiki certification, was a holistic health practitioner and is a Certified Erotic Blueprint coach.

Photo by Pexel Images