In 2024, I picked up Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women, and I haven’t looked at leadership the same way since. Written by two U.S. Naval Academy professors, the book makes a bold, evidence-based argument: the persistent gender gaps we see in leadership aren’t about a lack of skill, drive, or readiness among women. They’re about access. They’re about opportunity. And most of all, they’re about mentorship — who receives it, and who doesn’t.
Those insights challenged me and stayed with me, especially as I reflected on my own industry. The fire service, much like the military and other traditionally male-dominated fields, continues to be shaped by structures where men hold most senior roles. If we want to close those gaps, intention is non-negotiable. Inclusive, deliberate mentorship isn’t just helpful — it’s one of the most powerful tools we have.
Why Inclusive Mentorship Matters
Women continue to encounter more obstacles to mentorship and advancement, particularly in male-dominated environments. Traditional “like-to-like” mentorship — where men naturally gravitate toward mentoring other men — can unintentionally widen those gaps. It’s not about blame; it’s simply the reality of how informal networks tend to form. But when mentorship becomes intentional and inclusive, the benefits extend to everyone.
So why mentor someone not like you?:
- It builds belonging. Inclusive mentorship helps people feel seen, supported, and valued
- It breaks isolation. It moves beyond tokenism to real access to influence and opportunity
- It offers role models. Seeing others succeed helps mentees visualize their own potential
- It supports retention and growth. People stay and thrive when they feel supported
- It diversifies leadership. Mentorship strengthens the pipeline for inclusive leaders
- It encourages two-way learning. Mentors grow, too — building empathy, humility, and awareness
Mentorship as a Form of Allyship
We can’t talk about mentorship without talking about allyship — and true allyship is anything but passive. It requires action, intention, and the willingness to use your position and influence to create space for others. In that sense, mentorship becomes one of the most powerful forms of allyship, because it turns good intentions into tangible opportunities.
For women and other equity-deserving groups, mentorship can be the difference between feeling a sense of belonging and experiencing burnout. When men mentor inclusively, they help build organizations that are stronger, more diverse, and ultimately more effective.
But before that can happen, we need to address the barriers that prevent many men from stepping confidently into this role.
Common Barriers to Inclusive Mentorship
1. Fear of Perception
Some men hesitate to mentor women, worried that one-on-one interactions might be misinterpreted. Unfortunately, this fear often leads to avoidance — and missed opportunities for meaningful mentorship. By fostering professional and transparent relationships built on shared goals, mutual respect, and a commitment to learning, these barriers can be overcome.
2. Lack of Awareness or Confidence
Many men underestimate the impact they can have as mentors or worry about saying the wrong thing. Yet staying silent not only perpetuates existing inequities — it can unintentionally reinforce the pattern of mentoring men over women. Mentorship is a skill that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time, and becoming aware of these dynamics is the first step toward more equitable leadership.
3. Unconscious Bias
It’s natural to recognize potential in people who remind us of ourselves or share our experiences. But relying solely on these instincts can unintentionally narrow the reach of mentorship and limit opportunities for diverse talent. By acknowledging and reflecting on these biases, mentors can make deliberate, equitable choices about who they support and how they nurture growth, creating a more inclusive path for leadership.
Myths and Truths About Mentoring Women
Myth 1: “It’s not safe to mentor women.”
In another book Rising Together, author Sally Helgesen notes that this fear keeps many male leaders from mentoring women — yet mentorship is one of the strongest drivers of advancement.
Truth: With clear boundaries and professionalism, cross-gender mentorship isn’t risky, it’s essential.
Myth 2: “Women prefer female mentors.”
According to Rising Athena, women want mentors who advocate for them and connect them to networks, regardless of gender.
Truth: What matters most is advocacy, not gender.
Truth: “Intentional mentorship is effective.”
Effective mentorship doesn’t happen by chance. It’s structured, goal-driven, and aware of power dynamics. The best mentors coach through challenges, amplify their mentee’s voice, and actively open doors.
Ask yourself: Am I mentoring with intention? Am I mentoring someone not like me?
Traits of a Great Mentor
Effective mentors embody a set of key traits that foster growth and inclusion.
Empathy allows them to build trust and create psychological safety, helping mentees feel seen and supported.
Self-awareness enables mentors to recognize their own biases and model humility, while a growth mindset keeps them open to learning, feedback, and new perspectives.
Strong mentors also embrace advocacy, using their influence to sponsor opportunities and champion the success of others. Finally, reliability — showing up consistently and following through on commitments — reinforces trust and demonstrates the mentor’s dedication to the mentee’s development.
What Mentees Value Most
Effective mentorship rests on three essential practices.
First, honest feedback delivered with care and clarity helps build trust while fostering growth and development.
Second, mentorship is about advocacy, not paternalism — it’s not about “rescuing” someone, but empowering them by using your influence to open doors and challenge bias.
Finally, transparency about systems is crucial: great mentors candidly explain how things really work, from unwritten rules to informal networks, without pretending that the system is fair when it’s not. Together, these practices create a foundation for meaningful, impactful mentorship.
Mentoring Women: Leading with Respect and Intention
Mentoring women is not about rescuing or falling into the “White Knight” trap; women don’t need saving, they need their strengths amplified.
Effective mentorship is a two-way street, fostering mutual growth, as men who mentor across differences often report significant personal and professional development themselves. Crucially, mentors center the mentee’s goals, allowing her to steer the relationship and supporting her ambitions rather than imposing their own assumptions or agenda.
Creating a Culture of Mentorship
A culture of mentorship doesn’t develop by chance; it requires intentional effort at every level. Strong organizations blend formal and informal mentoring, using programs to provide structure while allowing organic relationships to grow authenticity and trust.
Normalizing cross-gender mentorship is equally important, as discomfort should never stand in the way of inclusion; the more we embed these practices, the stronger and more diverse our teams become.
Leadership buy-in is key: when leaders model mentorship, show vulnerability, and make time for meaningful connections, mentoring becomes part of the organizational fabric rather than an optional extra. As one guiding principle reminds us, “A culture of mentorship isn’t built on one relationship, it’s built on intention, openness, and support at every level.”
Reflect, Act, and Build Inclusive Leadership
As leaders, it’s essential to pause and reflect: Are we truly creating space for perspectives different from our own? Who are we advocating for when they aren’t in the room? Where do we still feel uncomfortable, and what are we doing to expand our understanding?
Building inclusive leadership requires action. Mentor someone not like you, challenge your own biases, and commit to continuous learning. Mentorship isn’t just about guiding individual careers, it’s about shaping organizational culture. When we mentor with intention, we don’t just develop stronger leaders; we create workplaces where everyone feels seen, supported, and empowered to succeed.
